The trial of separation

Well, here we are again, trip number 1,000,000- or it least it feels that way.
Once again, hubby is off to sea, leaving me and Baby here all alone, again.
To add to that stress, Mr. Unpaid's Spouse is not having the easiest time, and it is just compounding already existing problems. Specifically, he is getting ready for his Boards (tests) and is a bit of a nightmare to live with at the moment. Add to that the fact that they have changed out all the other engineering officers in his department, thus making him and his tremendous 6 months aboard the most senior serving E.O. there, and it's a recipe for disaster.
Ironically, the Navy's schedule routinely changes just in time for Mr. US to not be able to make his marriage counselling appointments. How deliciously ridiculous is that? The Navy is the other woman, but the aggressive one that demands he leave his wife.
Add to that Mr. US's family, specifically his parents, have hated me from the get-go, and are now participating in a full shunning. Nothing says, "I like to appear perfect on the outside but am a manipulative, useless mess on the inside" like not bothering to acknowledge a grandchild's birthday (her first, specifically), then calling to say they would like some new pictures. Well, can I get a great big "F.U."? Ugh. I am so tired of them, and their reindeer games. I recently got a chance to go through the book "How to be Happy Without Being Perfect", and the description of the people creating this façade of perfection that masks a deeply troubled inner life is them to a T. Everything just has to look nice, not really be nice. And that's how they have always been: presenting themselves as a model of Catholic perfection (don't even get me started on that) while persuing their own agenda of separating my husband and I. The Monster-in-Law called me one day, not to tell me of her daughter's health following a car accident, but to decree that henceforth she would be called 'Belle Mere' (French for MIL, icydk). I call her Couchemare, which is also French, but for 'Nightmare'. This same CM (how she will be refered to in future) insinuated that Mr. US had to marry me, as our wedding was put together pretty quickly due to his training schedule and my school schedule, then called me a week before the wedding and told me that I was ruining his life if I didn't invite these two people she wanted etc., proceeded to change her seating at the wedding, insisting that Mr. US go back to Hamilton to stay with them the night before (no friggen way, these people are ALWAYS late for everything) and was generally a pain in the ass. Oh, did I mention how much fun it is to suddenly change your meal plan, seating and everything five days before a wedding, when said wedding only invovles 28 guests? Yeah. Oh, and that I had to SIDLE down the aisle with my dad, because adding the extra seats narrowed the aisle by one place? Yeah.
Don't worry, it gets worse:
When we find out, soon after I finally am finished school and move to Halifax to be with Mr. US, that there will be a Baby US, we call our respective families. Mine is ecstatic. Mr. US calls his family, and his father's response was, 'Gee, that was quick.' After Baby arrives (incidentally, one year and a month later, because apparently CM is not good at math I should point out that means I WAS NOT PREGNANT at my wedding), we decide to do a baptism (for my grandma's sake, because she's awesome and 97 and I believe she may have the power to strike CM dead if she really wants to). We haul ourselves 'home', though I'd rather eat broken glass than stay with my in-laws, and my friend and godmother Captain Feu also flies in- from her base in Edmonton- to join the fun. Well, doesn't CM take Captain Feu aside and tell her 'not to make the mistake Mr. and Mrs. US made by not inviting everyone [presumably everyone we'd ever met], since Mr. US's uncle died and he wasn't invited and Mr. US regrets it today'. Captain Feu politely told her that no, she thought her plans were just fine as they were and to f off, then told me. Of course, I nearly had a stroke, and immediately asked Mr. US if he felt that way, and he said that naturally he did not, or he would have said something at the time, and also his mother is lucky she was invited to any kind of wedding because if it were up to him it would have been a JP with two witnesses. Then CM, feeling she hadn't done quite enough, insists she sing at the baptism...the Ave Maria. To be clear, we are not Catholic. Now, to be fair, Mr. US's parents sing at everyone, so it's not out of character. However, CM said that it wasn't a big deal if the programs were already done (it was the night before, so yeah, THEY WERE), but Mr. CM followed my parents down the driveway insisting that she sing, so my mom was finally annoyed enough to just say fine, whatever. How bloody ridiculous!
Now, fortunately, we are here in Halifax, and the in-laws are in Ontario, so we don't have to deal with them too much. I finally took CM off my Facebook, after she posted some snotty comment about being a military wife, as the last time I went home I got sick and stayed (understandably) with my own family. Here's the thing: as women, we feel compelled to do things to keep oil on the water and appease people. But you know what? I'm over 30, and I no longer feel compelled to be around people I dislike for any reason, and I am past even wanting to tolerate these people...it's moved to active dislike. Especially since my marriage counselling sessions, where my husband claims to 'not remember anything about his childhood'. You know who doesn't remember anything about their childhood? Abuse survivors. Amesiacs. People who had to repress things to survive, because most of us remember the crappy stuff that happened to us, as well as the good stuff from our childhoods.
What saddens and angers me most is their disdain for me trickling over into life with Baby. While my parents are giving her RESP contributions and sending her things and generally being part of her life, CM and Mr.CM and family are totally disinterested. Not even a card for her birthday, and when I cried for two days over this, my husband tried to placate me by saying that they usually do stuff late and not to worry, they said the 'cheque's in the mail' sort of thing. That was March. It's now mid-July. I should have known after the stained pajama set that was Baby's Xmas gift that things with Mr. US's family were going to suck, but I just never dreamed they would suck so hard. Thank god for the awesome people in the lives of the US's: godmother Capt Feu, La Rattiste, friends of Mr US and Mrs. US's family. They are inspiring and generous people and do everything they can to make Baby US's life wonderful.

I do understand, however, why Mr. US joined the Navy. Life under that roof must have been unbearable. The thing is, while most of me doesn't care about the in-laws and their egregious behaviour, a small part of me really wants to slap them silly for what they do to Baby. The up side is that she does have terrific maternal grandparents and a great-grandma who adore her, and frankly that's enough. As far as I'm concerned, Mr. US's nightmarish family just don't exist. In a way, the military makes it easier to deal with them because we are far enough away; the downside is that it means I'm also far away from my family (who are batshit crazy, but own it).

So here's to every woman everywhere who has their own CM to deal with, you are not alone.

In the meantime, I am also having my own existential crisis. Right now, I'm a WAHM, taking care of other military kids, which is great because they're fun kids and I get to stay home with Baby. However, it's not the most intellectually fulfilling life, and of course you're hemmed in by the lack of childcare and the terrible job market here in Halifax. I'm seriously considering getting on the Priority Hiring list and trying to get some kind of modified RMS clerk position, but maybe that will have to wait until we're posted in a couple of years. I love not having any kind of say in my own life! It's gotten to the point where I actually had a pitch fom a Monavie rep that I'm going to one of the 'Open Meetings' for, JUST TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. Is that wrong?

Wait, I think I may have 'Is that wrong?' days here, just to pose a question about all the random things I think are probably not kosher but do anyway (ie watching 'Intervention' to feel better about my own life, selling wedding presents on kijiji etc.). An interesting thought anyway.

So now, while the napping part of the day happens, I'm busy trying to decide what the heck I'm going to do with myself...maybe I'll even listen to the CDs the rep left, just for giggles.


Here's to everyone having a great and problem-free day!
(I'm feeling optimistic because it's actually sunny here in The Park for a change.)