Did you know that warships run on 8 1/2 x 11 paper? No, you probably did not.
But yes, this is in fact one of the most pressing issues aboard FailBoat at the moment, and when I inquired as to whether or not some of these books (like, complete books) that were being printed on the ship could not be mass produced by say, A PRINT SHOP beforehand I was greeted with silence, and then the admonition to "stop making sense".
So while Mr. US is at sea, getting nothing done on his own work (that needs to get done, mind you), everyone is getting crazy about this sudden lack of paper.
Sometimes you just wonder...wonder about how much insanity you are required to have to run a FailBoat of your own?
In the meantime, Mrs. US has the SADs in a big way: I just find there is not so much sun here in Halifax, and I'm just dying here without it. God bless medication and Daylight lamps: I just never thought I'd be using it in JULY.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
The trial of separation
Well, here we are again, trip number 1,000,000- or it least it feels that way.
Once again, hubby is off to sea, leaving me and Baby here all alone, again.
To add to that stress, Mr. Unpaid's Spouse is not having the easiest time, and it is just compounding already existing problems. Specifically, he is getting ready for his Boards (tests) and is a bit of a nightmare to live with at the moment. Add to that the fact that they have changed out all the other engineering officers in his department, thus making him and his tremendous 6 months aboard the most senior serving E.O. there, and it's a recipe for disaster.
Ironically, the Navy's schedule routinely changes just in time for Mr. US to not be able to make his marriage counselling appointments. How deliciously ridiculous is that? The Navy is the other woman, but the aggressive one that demands he leave his wife.
Add to that Mr. US's family, specifically his parents, have hated me from the get-go, and are now participating in a full shunning. Nothing says, "I like to appear perfect on the outside but am a manipulative, useless mess on the inside" like not bothering to acknowledge a grandchild's birthday (her first, specifically), then calling to say they would like some new pictures. Well, can I get a great big "F.U."? Ugh. I am so tired of them, and their reindeer games. I recently got a chance to go through the book "How to be Happy Without Being Perfect", and the description of the people creating this façade of perfection that masks a deeply troubled inner life is them to a T. Everything just has to look nice, not really be nice. And that's how they have always been: presenting themselves as a model of Catholic perfection (don't even get me started on that) while persuing their own agenda of separating my husband and I. The Monster-in-Law called me one day, not to tell me of her daughter's health following a car accident, but to decree that henceforth she would be called 'Belle Mere' (French for MIL, icydk). I call her Couchemare, which is also French, but for 'Nightmare'. This same CM (how she will be refered to in future) insinuated that Mr. US had to marry me, as our wedding was put together pretty quickly due to his training schedule and my school schedule, then called me a week before the wedding and told me that I was ruining his life if I didn't invite these two people she wanted etc., proceeded to change her seating at the wedding, insisting that Mr. US go back to Hamilton to stay with them the night before (no friggen way, these people are ALWAYS late for everything) and was generally a pain in the ass. Oh, did I mention how much fun it is to suddenly change your meal plan, seating and everything five days before a wedding, when said wedding only invovles 28 guests? Yeah. Oh, and that I had to SIDLE down the aisle with my dad, because adding the extra seats narrowed the aisle by one place? Yeah.
Don't worry, it gets worse:
When we find out, soon after I finally am finished school and move to Halifax to be with Mr. US, that there will be a Baby US, we call our respective families. Mine is ecstatic. Mr. US calls his family, and his father's response was, 'Gee, that was quick.' After Baby arrives (incidentally, one year and a month later, because apparently CM is not good at math I should point out that means I WAS NOT PREGNANT at my wedding), we decide to do a baptism (for my grandma's sake, because she's awesome and 97 and I believe she may have the power to strike CM dead if she really wants to). We haul ourselves 'home', though I'd rather eat broken glass than stay with my in-laws, and my friend and godmother Captain Feu also flies in- from her base in Edmonton- to join the fun. Well, doesn't CM take Captain Feu aside and tell her 'not to make the mistake Mr. and Mrs. US made by not inviting everyone [presumably everyone we'd ever met], since Mr. US's uncle died and he wasn't invited and Mr. US regrets it today'. Captain Feu politely told her that no, she thought her plans were just fine as they were and to f off, then told me. Of course, I nearly had a stroke, and immediately asked Mr. US if he felt that way, and he said that naturally he did not, or he would have said something at the time, and also his mother is lucky she was invited to any kind of wedding because if it were up to him it would have been a JP with two witnesses. Then CM, feeling she hadn't done quite enough, insists she sing at the baptism...the Ave Maria. To be clear, we are not Catholic. Now, to be fair, Mr. US's parents sing at everyone, so it's not out of character. However, CM said that it wasn't a big deal if the programs were already done (it was the night before, so yeah, THEY WERE), but Mr. CM followed my parents down the driveway insisting that she sing, so my mom was finally annoyed enough to just say fine, whatever. How bloody ridiculous!
Now, fortunately, we are here in Halifax, and the in-laws are in Ontario, so we don't have to deal with them too much. I finally took CM off my Facebook, after she posted some snotty comment about being a military wife, as the last time I went home I got sick and stayed (understandably) with my own family. Here's the thing: as women, we feel compelled to do things to keep oil on the water and appease people. But you know what? I'm over 30, and I no longer feel compelled to be around people I dislike for any reason, and I am past even wanting to tolerate these people...it's moved to active dislike. Especially since my marriage counselling sessions, where my husband claims to 'not remember anything about his childhood'. You know who doesn't remember anything about their childhood? Abuse survivors. Amesiacs. People who had to repress things to survive, because most of us remember the crappy stuff that happened to us, as well as the good stuff from our childhoods.
What saddens and angers me most is their disdain for me trickling over into life with Baby. While my parents are giving her RESP contributions and sending her things and generally being part of her life, CM and Mr.CM and family are totally disinterested. Not even a card for her birthday, and when I cried for two days over this, my husband tried to placate me by saying that they usually do stuff late and not to worry, they said the 'cheque's in the mail' sort of thing. That was March. It's now mid-July. I should have known after the stained pajama set that was Baby's Xmas gift that things with Mr. US's family were going to suck, but I just never dreamed they would suck so hard. Thank god for the awesome people in the lives of the US's: godmother Capt Feu, La Rattiste, friends of Mr US and Mrs. US's family. They are inspiring and generous people and do everything they can to make Baby US's life wonderful.
I do understand, however, why Mr. US joined the Navy. Life under that roof must have been unbearable. The thing is, while most of me doesn't care about the in-laws and their egregious behaviour, a small part of me really wants to slap them silly for what they do to Baby. The up side is that she does have terrific maternal grandparents and a great-grandma who adore her, and frankly that's enough. As far as I'm concerned, Mr. US's nightmarish family just don't exist. In a way, the military makes it easier to deal with them because we are far enough away; the downside is that it means I'm also far away from my family (who are batshit crazy, but own it).
So here's to every woman everywhere who has their own CM to deal with, you are not alone.
In the meantime, I am also having my own existential crisis. Right now, I'm a WAHM, taking care of other military kids, which is great because they're fun kids and I get to stay home with Baby. However, it's not the most intellectually fulfilling life, and of course you're hemmed in by the lack of childcare and the terrible job market here in Halifax. I'm seriously considering getting on the Priority Hiring list and trying to get some kind of modified RMS clerk position, but maybe that will have to wait until we're posted in a couple of years. I love not having any kind of say in my own life! It's gotten to the point where I actually had a pitch fom a Monavie rep that I'm going to one of the 'Open Meetings' for, JUST TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. Is that wrong?
Wait, I think I may have 'Is that wrong?' days here, just to pose a question about all the random things I think are probably not kosher but do anyway (ie watching 'Intervention' to feel better about my own life, selling wedding presents on kijiji etc.). An interesting thought anyway.
So now, while the napping part of the day happens, I'm busy trying to decide what the heck I'm going to do with myself...maybe I'll even listen to the CDs the rep left, just for giggles.
Here's to everyone having a great and problem-free day!
(I'm feeling optimistic because it's actually sunny here in The Park for a change.)
Once again, hubby is off to sea, leaving me and Baby here all alone, again.
To add to that stress, Mr. Unpaid's Spouse is not having the easiest time, and it is just compounding already existing problems. Specifically, he is getting ready for his Boards (tests) and is a bit of a nightmare to live with at the moment. Add to that the fact that they have changed out all the other engineering officers in his department, thus making him and his tremendous 6 months aboard the most senior serving E.O. there, and it's a recipe for disaster.
Ironically, the Navy's schedule routinely changes just in time for Mr. US to not be able to make his marriage counselling appointments. How deliciously ridiculous is that? The Navy is the other woman, but the aggressive one that demands he leave his wife.
Add to that Mr. US's family, specifically his parents, have hated me from the get-go, and are now participating in a full shunning. Nothing says, "I like to appear perfect on the outside but am a manipulative, useless mess on the inside" like not bothering to acknowledge a grandchild's birthday (her first, specifically), then calling to say they would like some new pictures. Well, can I get a great big "F.U."? Ugh. I am so tired of them, and their reindeer games. I recently got a chance to go through the book "How to be Happy Without Being Perfect", and the description of the people creating this façade of perfection that masks a deeply troubled inner life is them to a T. Everything just has to look nice, not really be nice. And that's how they have always been: presenting themselves as a model of Catholic perfection (don't even get me started on that) while persuing their own agenda of separating my husband and I. The Monster-in-Law called me one day, not to tell me of her daughter's health following a car accident, but to decree that henceforth she would be called 'Belle Mere' (French for MIL, icydk). I call her Couchemare, which is also French, but for 'Nightmare'. This same CM (how she will be refered to in future) insinuated that Mr. US had to marry me, as our wedding was put together pretty quickly due to his training schedule and my school schedule, then called me a week before the wedding and told me that I was ruining his life if I didn't invite these two people she wanted etc., proceeded to change her seating at the wedding, insisting that Mr. US go back to Hamilton to stay with them the night before (no friggen way, these people are ALWAYS late for everything) and was generally a pain in the ass. Oh, did I mention how much fun it is to suddenly change your meal plan, seating and everything five days before a wedding, when said wedding only invovles 28 guests? Yeah. Oh, and that I had to SIDLE down the aisle with my dad, because adding the extra seats narrowed the aisle by one place? Yeah.
Don't worry, it gets worse:
When we find out, soon after I finally am finished school and move to Halifax to be with Mr. US, that there will be a Baby US, we call our respective families. Mine is ecstatic. Mr. US calls his family, and his father's response was, 'Gee, that was quick.' After Baby arrives (incidentally, one year and a month later, because apparently CM is not good at math I should point out that means I WAS NOT PREGNANT at my wedding), we decide to do a baptism (for my grandma's sake, because she's awesome and 97 and I believe she may have the power to strike CM dead if she really wants to). We haul ourselves 'home', though I'd rather eat broken glass than stay with my in-laws, and my friend and godmother Captain Feu also flies in- from her base in Edmonton- to join the fun. Well, doesn't CM take Captain Feu aside and tell her 'not to make the mistake Mr. and Mrs. US made by not inviting everyone [presumably everyone we'd ever met], since Mr. US's uncle died and he wasn't invited and Mr. US regrets it today'. Captain Feu politely told her that no, she thought her plans were just fine as they were and to f off, then told me. Of course, I nearly had a stroke, and immediately asked Mr. US if he felt that way, and he said that naturally he did not, or he would have said something at the time, and also his mother is lucky she was invited to any kind of wedding because if it were up to him it would have been a JP with two witnesses. Then CM, feeling she hadn't done quite enough, insists she sing at the baptism...the Ave Maria. To be clear, we are not Catholic. Now, to be fair, Mr. US's parents sing at everyone, so it's not out of character. However, CM said that it wasn't a big deal if the programs were already done (it was the night before, so yeah, THEY WERE), but Mr. CM followed my parents down the driveway insisting that she sing, so my mom was finally annoyed enough to just say fine, whatever. How bloody ridiculous!
Now, fortunately, we are here in Halifax, and the in-laws are in Ontario, so we don't have to deal with them too much. I finally took CM off my Facebook, after she posted some snotty comment about being a military wife, as the last time I went home I got sick and stayed (understandably) with my own family. Here's the thing: as women, we feel compelled to do things to keep oil on the water and appease people. But you know what? I'm over 30, and I no longer feel compelled to be around people I dislike for any reason, and I am past even wanting to tolerate these people...it's moved to active dislike. Especially since my marriage counselling sessions, where my husband claims to 'not remember anything about his childhood'. You know who doesn't remember anything about their childhood? Abuse survivors. Amesiacs. People who had to repress things to survive, because most of us remember the crappy stuff that happened to us, as well as the good stuff from our childhoods.
What saddens and angers me most is their disdain for me trickling over into life with Baby. While my parents are giving her RESP contributions and sending her things and generally being part of her life, CM and Mr.CM and family are totally disinterested. Not even a card for her birthday, and when I cried for two days over this, my husband tried to placate me by saying that they usually do stuff late and not to worry, they said the 'cheque's in the mail' sort of thing. That was March. It's now mid-July. I should have known after the stained pajama set that was Baby's Xmas gift that things with Mr. US's family were going to suck, but I just never dreamed they would suck so hard. Thank god for the awesome people in the lives of the US's: godmother Capt Feu, La Rattiste, friends of Mr US and Mrs. US's family. They are inspiring and generous people and do everything they can to make Baby US's life wonderful.
I do understand, however, why Mr. US joined the Navy. Life under that roof must have been unbearable. The thing is, while most of me doesn't care about the in-laws and their egregious behaviour, a small part of me really wants to slap them silly for what they do to Baby. The up side is that she does have terrific maternal grandparents and a great-grandma who adore her, and frankly that's enough. As far as I'm concerned, Mr. US's nightmarish family just don't exist. In a way, the military makes it easier to deal with them because we are far enough away; the downside is that it means I'm also far away from my family (who are batshit crazy, but own it).
So here's to every woman everywhere who has their own CM to deal with, you are not alone.
In the meantime, I am also having my own existential crisis. Right now, I'm a WAHM, taking care of other military kids, which is great because they're fun kids and I get to stay home with Baby. However, it's not the most intellectually fulfilling life, and of course you're hemmed in by the lack of childcare and the terrible job market here in Halifax. I'm seriously considering getting on the Priority Hiring list and trying to get some kind of modified RMS clerk position, but maybe that will have to wait until we're posted in a couple of years. I love not having any kind of say in my own life! It's gotten to the point where I actually had a pitch fom a Monavie rep that I'm going to one of the 'Open Meetings' for, JUST TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. Is that wrong?
Wait, I think I may have 'Is that wrong?' days here, just to pose a question about all the random things I think are probably not kosher but do anyway (ie watching 'Intervention' to feel better about my own life, selling wedding presents on kijiji etc.). An interesting thought anyway.
So now, while the napping part of the day happens, I'm busy trying to decide what the heck I'm going to do with myself...maybe I'll even listen to the CDs the rep left, just for giggles.
Here's to everyone having a great and problem-free day!
(I'm feeling optimistic because it's actually sunny here in The Park for a change.)
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Even more ranting
After reviewing much of the information on this series of tubes we call the internet, it has become obvious that there are many more American military wives out there writing (and kvetching) than there are Canadian ones. I have come to wonder why this is: if we just suffer in silence, or if there is something more at work here.
I have lamented the demise of the Officers' Wives clubs here, because at least there was something for us then, but here in the Brave New World that's no longer politically correct I suppose.
And now we are left to fend for ourselves, discovering the resources we need as we go along that would probably take us a quarter of the time to get to if we actually had services for military spouses that worked. One of the most interesting films I've seen in a while addresses this, and was made by a Quebecoise named Claire Corriveau. Her first film, Nomad's Land gets into the nitty gritty of being a military wife, including the subtle manipulation of our lives by the DND. Did you know the divorce rate between military spouses is 90%? Yeah, a sobering statistic indeed. I couldn't find any more info from StatsCan, assuredly the DND likes to keep this to itself I'm sure. Even their "don't worry our JTF doesn't have any higher divorce rate than usual" is only an oblique reference to what is happening with military marriages. Right now, I'm reading an article about strong military marriages called Marital Strength in Canadian Military Couples by Elena Sherwood, and it addresses whether or not the marriages would have been strong regardless of whether or not one of the members was in the military.
It's hard to say, really, because in this economic climate we do have to pick and choose where we let personal vs financial decisions hold the forefront in our lives.
This is not made any easier by the fact that as a spouse, you can't have a job that requires you to be in one place for a long time, so if you're a professional, you are S.O.L. You have to do menial, make-do work for the most part, unless you're lucky enough to get "government work" or have a really transportable skill (like nurses, and even then it's if-y). You find yourself three degrees later daydreaming about such glamourous jobs as 'baker' or 'seller of Amway', which is probably not what you envisioned when you graduated from university.
And now, in the meantime, you do what you have to. In my case, I work at a wonderful place called Nurtured on Saturdays, and I am running an in-home daycare, which works for all involved (incidentally all kids with one military parent), but I'll have to move in a year or two, and then the cycle will start all over.
Every day brings a new challenge: like today, when I realized I have two cords of wood in my driveway that has to be stacked (while my husband is away at sea). Hopefully tomorrow's challenge won't be insurmountable.
I have lamented the demise of the Officers' Wives clubs here, because at least there was something for us then, but here in the Brave New World that's no longer politically correct I suppose.
And now we are left to fend for ourselves, discovering the resources we need as we go along that would probably take us a quarter of the time to get to if we actually had services for military spouses that worked. One of the most interesting films I've seen in a while addresses this, and was made by a Quebecoise named Claire Corriveau. Her first film, Nomad's Land gets into the nitty gritty of being a military wife, including the subtle manipulation of our lives by the DND. Did you know the divorce rate between military spouses is 90%? Yeah, a sobering statistic indeed. I couldn't find any more info from StatsCan, assuredly the DND likes to keep this to itself I'm sure. Even their "don't worry our JTF doesn't have any higher divorce rate than usual" is only an oblique reference to what is happening with military marriages. Right now, I'm reading an article about strong military marriages called Marital Strength in Canadian Military Couples by Elena Sherwood, and it addresses whether or not the marriages would have been strong regardless of whether or not one of the members was in the military.
It's hard to say, really, because in this economic climate we do have to pick and choose where we let personal vs financial decisions hold the forefront in our lives.
This is not made any easier by the fact that as a spouse, you can't have a job that requires you to be in one place for a long time, so if you're a professional, you are S.O.L. You have to do menial, make-do work for the most part, unless you're lucky enough to get "government work" or have a really transportable skill (like nurses, and even then it's if-y). You find yourself three degrees later daydreaming about such glamourous jobs as 'baker' or 'seller of Amway', which is probably not what you envisioned when you graduated from university.
And now, in the meantime, you do what you have to. In my case, I work at a wonderful place called Nurtured on Saturdays, and I am running an in-home daycare, which works for all involved (incidentally all kids with one military parent), but I'll have to move in a year or two, and then the cycle will start all over.
Every day brings a new challenge: like today, when I realized I have two cords of wood in my driveway that has to be stacked (while my husband is away at sea). Hopefully tomorrow's challenge won't be insurmountable.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Welcome to Nomad's Land
So here we are, military wives. Unpaid members of the CF. One day, during an email exchange where we were discussing a "Skippy's List" style forward that was making the rounds, we decided to include one of our own. And this is what we came up with:
Things I have learned from the Canadian Navy
"A military spouse is considered a member of the CF. You have no rank, rights, pay grade or human feelings, but you are expected to be available 24/7 for duty, and be an entirely self-sufficient unit capable of frequent 2-12 month solo missions without support of any kind. You will also be expected to act as adminO, logO, warrantO, and CO. You have no date of retirement to look forward to, and you will never be paid - only punished - for your efforts. You will never get a vacation, you can never quit, and you will never, ever be promoted.
You are additionally the only person ever responsible for all things relating to your children. You are solely charged with caregiving and anything else your child will ever need: your husband will only ever 'babysit' and even then it will be at his convenience and only if the children are already asleep and if it doesn't interfere with his drinking and whoring (see following).
Your suborninate's failures [i.e. those of the officially serving member]are always your fault. You will spend your days wondering if your husband is spending his sea pay on liquor and whores while he's sailing. You will then wonder why Halifax doesn't have more free clinics based on this information. You are required to be omniscient, endlessly patient and selfless. You then realize that they Navy should issue YOU a medal for putting up with all this for years...."
So what better choice but to take to the blogosphere and bitch about it?
Because somehow, I just don't think I'm alone here...
Things I have learned from the Canadian Navy
"A military spouse is considered a member of the CF. You have no rank, rights, pay grade or human feelings, but you are expected to be available 24/7 for duty, and be an entirely self-sufficient unit capable of frequent 2-12 month solo missions without support of any kind. You will also be expected to act as adminO, logO, warrantO, and CO. You have no date of retirement to look forward to, and you will never be paid - only punished - for your efforts. You will never get a vacation, you can never quit, and you will never, ever be promoted.
You are additionally the only person ever responsible for all things relating to your children. You are solely charged with caregiving and anything else your child will ever need: your husband will only ever 'babysit' and even then it will be at his convenience and only if the children are already asleep and if it doesn't interfere with his drinking and whoring (see following).
Your suborninate's failures [i.e. those of the officially serving member]are always your fault. You will spend your days wondering if your husband is spending his sea pay on liquor and whores while he's sailing. You will then wonder why Halifax doesn't have more free clinics based on this information. You are required to be omniscient, endlessly patient and selfless. You then realize that they Navy should issue YOU a medal for putting up with all this for years...."
So what better choice but to take to the blogosphere and bitch about it?
Because somehow, I just don't think I'm alone here...
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